What I discovered about Me!

Over the past few weeks I have been going through quite a lot of self discovery. I don’t know if it is due to this class or just something that was coming into fruition on its own. I have always considered myself to know who I am and what I wanted. I have been in school now for almost two years and am rounding the bend to graduation. Although I have had some setbacks in my life I have always found myself back in the medical field somehow and always took that as God’s ultimate sign that this is where I should be. I have been and tried several different aspects and avenue’s in the medical field till I found the one that I believed fit me perfectly in fact all of the pieces for me to get here just fell into place. Well here I am in undiscovered territory once again. I felt that I was where I am suppose to be up until the last few months, almost like a ton of bricks my whole world came crashing down and I started trying to build up the wall and fast. I have been a volunteer youth pastor with my husband for almost a year now. We actually just kind of fell into the position and took it on with great pride. We love our youth and loved everything that came with it. Then in September I felt that God put an idea in my head and laid a project on my heart and within one month I was holding our very first community youth rally that I single handedly walked by faith to do and everything fell into place. I was amazed at the 350 attendees and the 35 door prizes, the donated food and water, the entertainment and sound that all just fell into place. Now all of the staging, entertainment, speaker, door prizes, and sound needed to be paid for and I knew our church didn’t have money and I certainly didn’t have it so what else would I do, I prayed. Then God blessed us with donations that just rolled in not only did we go above and beyond what we needed we also got to bless others with our donations. This single event started a snow ball rolling down hill and it started gaining speed. What else do you do when you see something headed your way? I jumped out of the way and ran! Yes just like Jonah I ran away from God’s voice and his calling. How can God call me to do something that I have never had any formal training in and how would he call on me he knows me? How can he ask me to do something different then this perfect plan that I have almost finished with? I did run and had been running until about a week ago. At every turn when someone asked me about going into the ministry I politely told them no and that I was going into medicine. Even after several nudges from God himself and several snags along the way that held up my clinical’s I still believed that medicine is where I was needed. How could I do something different now? After all of this? I then was offered a very new position to be a county youth pastor which would include a salary, an office, and money for the counties youth to do things with. This was almost like a dream. Wow, was this possible I could do both. Well no not really the youth pastor would require time and how could I do that to the ability needed and do medicine? So I asked for prayer and direction and not only my prayer, but I went to my pastor and my church family. Well I knew what God wanted me to do, but I don’t always listen so I kept on trucking along with classes and said “I’ll graduate and get a job and just keep being a youth pastor for my youth, that’ll be ok”. Boy was I wrong. Just like Jonah ran and God interrupted him in a BIG way with a whale, well he hit me in the head with a 2x4! It’s almost like a Verizon commercial I could even hear him yelling on the other end “CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?” He made me listen. My husband and I got the shock of our life-We are expecting! Now you might be like wow isn’t that great. Ummmm...Well we have 3 together and 1 was mine previously. Not that we don’t love our kids, but we really were done. Not only that we were taking measures to prevent this from ever happening. We also never thought it would happen since we had such a small chance with our previous daughter and we were on fertility drugs to get her for almost a year. Well so hear we are pregnant and not just barely pregnant-Quite pregnant. And to top it off I am due in the start of my externship, which means I can’t do it and that would mean I can’t graduate. Now if that’s not God telling me what direction I need to go in! LOL! 

So what did I learn about myself-I learned that I need to listen more to God! I really need to learn to quiet my own mutterings and ideas in my own head and learn to listen to the still voice of God and what He wants for my life. I always thought that my spiritual life was strong, but I am realizing that it can’t be strong if I am running from it! I have to learn to embrace every part of my life and when I do this will lead me to my integral healing and being whole. My focus on myself and God will be prayer. I need to pray not for what I want and my will, but for what He wants and for me to listen to His will. I have been getting back to my Bible studies more and been in prayer more and I need to follow where he leads and let go of my dreams and plans because His plans are better than any I could ever imagine for myself.

Subtle Mind

Compare and contrast the Loving Kindness exercise and the Subtle mind exercise. Explain your experience including the benefits, frustrations etc.

I didn't mind the Loving Kindness exercise I thought it was very relaxing and very helpful to follow someone's voice and think only about what they were saying. I was not fond of the voice for some reason though and it did make my mind drift off a bit. This exercise I also was not very fond of the voice, but I loved the music and the quiet times that it allowed me to have and focus on my breathing. This exercise reminded me more of hypnobirthing classes. I did like this exercise more mainly due to all of the quiet times with the background music and it was in rythym with my breathing. I also thought that it was more relaxing and I would love to do this exercise more than twice a day. In fact I think today I needed it about 20 times. LOL !

Discuss the connection of the spiritual wellness to mental and physical wellness. Explain how the connection is manifested in your personal life.

My spiritual life has so much to do with my mental and physical wellness. It is amazing how much we deny that their is any correlation between the two, but realize that they are directly connected. I am recently amazed at how much the two relate in my life. I would always have considered myself a pretty spiritual person. I have had several circumstances here lately that have let me know just how interconnected all of my body is. I have been restleling with some situations in my life and repeatedly been asking God for direction and quietly trying to listen to his advice and let him guide my life. Now I say let him guide my life, but of course I only wanted it to go in the direction that I saw best suited for myself. Funny isn't it that we even give God our orders and want him to just give it to us! LOL

I have been listening and know that I have been hearing God and his will, but instead of following I have been running. This is only out of human instinct. We tend to run from the things that we don't understand or might not believe that we are ready for. During all of this time I have not been feeling so well physically. I have been very ill and been having lots of physical ailments and problems. Not only have I had physical issues with my health, but I have also felt very emotionally depressed. While all of this is going on I never really thought about any of it all being related. Even while going through this class, in the back of my mind I was certainly thinking that I was doing everything I should and that I certainly was not failing. LOL! Well I was so wrong. For the last 3 months I have been miserable with my health and my emotions thinking about what was wrong with me. Going to the Dr's and hearing about the tests that they needed to run to see if it was caused from this or that. Then last week after having the church pray for direction for me let me tell you God hit me over the head HARD! My experience last week has been similar to the Verizon commercials. You know where the guy keeps walking around saying Can you hear me now? Then finally when someone on the other end can hear he says Good!  Well let me tell you since subtle signs were not getting my attention and obviously God was asking if I could hear him and I wasn't responding to his question. Well he found a way to get my attention, a way that shook me and let me know he answered me LOUD and CLEAR. God was yelling CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? Yes God I can! Interesting enough once this happened and I started to realize that my questions had been answered and I knew what I needed to do all of my illnesses and emotional sickness just faded. Every single symptom is GONE. Amazing that it all related back to my own emotional turmoil and spiritual warfare going on within myself. It is so interesting how we are such complex creatures, yet so simple also.

Loving-Kindness Experience

1. Describe your experience. (Did you find it beneficial? Difficult?) Why or Why not? Would you recommend this to others? Why or Why not?

I was very relaxed. I absolutely loved the ocean sounds. It did take me a minute to get used to the voice, but once I did they were a very beneficial exercise. This is something that I even thought of sharing with some of the ladies in our church congregation. This is a great exercise and should be done by everyone. Could you imagine if everyone started doing these what a different society we would have. Maybe we would actually think about others once in a while and think about real humanity. This exercise was such a blessing and could be a great gift to others and I would love to share it with everyone.

1. What is the concept of “Mental Workout? What does the research indicate are the proven benefits of a Mental Work Out? How can you implement mental workouts to foster your psychological health?

A mental workout is getting your mind ready to grow and flourish. It's training your mind to think positively towards others and yourself and sharing your positive thinking with others. Mental workouts can enhance our well-being by altering our brain's neural circuitry. They can also have a positive impact on attention, memory, perception, and imagery. Working specific areas of the brain can also result in a structural change. It can reduce disturbing emotions and replace them with positive ones. It can also cause a higher order of mental integration and organization. This mental training can result in long term changes and short term ones. Mental workouts can be done twice daily when you have a quiet moment to yourself for just 15 short minutes. Mine were done in the morning, when everyone is sleeping, and in the evening, when everyone is sleeping. They were quite enjoyable and I could pair them up with my time with God.

A moment to reflect on my own level of wellness; physically, psychologically, and spiritually

Based on your reflections, and on a scale of 1 to 10 (ten being optimal wellbeing), where do you rate your A-physical wellbeing, B-spiritual well-being, C-psychological well-being? Why?

A. Physical Well-being - 5
B. Spiritual Well-being - 8
C. Psychological Well-being - 8

I game my physical well being a 5 because currently I am overweight and not eating the way that I know I should. I also am lacking in the physical activity area. This really does not help the health problems that I have. I really need to work on this area quite a lot. My spiritual and psychological I gave an 8 because I currently have been discouraged in both areas. This also does not help my physical much either. I have been working diligently on my spiritual life which is helping me psycologically. I think that if I worked as hard on my physical as I do the others I would be a much happier person overall.

Develop a goal for yourself in each area (physical, spiritual, psychological).

What activities or exercise can you implement in your life to assist in moving toward each goal?

I have been anticipating to use my wii fit and my wii workout games more, but quite frankly have not made it a priority. Making working out a priority would help in the physical area and help me to feel better about myself and help my body to feel better.
I have been putting off a bible study that I have been interested in for about a year. I need to bite the bullet and start the study right away. This study would help in my spirtitual life and my psychological because it does deal with getting rid of your "baggage" and cleaning up your life.

Complete the relaxation exercise The Crime of the Century.  Describe your experience. (What it beneficial? Frustrating? etc.)

I actually like using exercises like this one to relax. I have used several exercises similar to this one in hypnobirthing. I love the monotone nature of the narrator's voice and the soft music in the background. For me when using this technique and focusing on what someone is telling me it really helps me to relax and become more centered.

Ho Hum, Oh Me, Oh My!

This week has been very stressful to say the least. We have been having several issues in our community with drugs and alcohol and despite all of the endless lectures and talks in has infiltrated into our youth group. This has been very trying on my patience as well as my faith. I am so upset that I could spit fire one minute and be on my knees crying out to God the next. I have realized how much my emotions affect my physical well-being. Since all of this information has come out it has had a snowball affect on how many kids have come forward and began to confess all of their sins while also blowing the whistle on their fellow friends' sin. I have not felt like doing much of anything much less going to church and loving on them, which is what I should want to do. Why is it teenagers make us want to ring their neck most of the time? I love these kids as my own and am so hurt and angry. This has only led to physical pain for me and my fellow ministry leaders. I woke up with chest pain last night and couldn't get back to sleep and several others have found themselves with back pain and several other physical ailments. It is so important for our well-being that we find a healthy outlet to release pent up stress! So I propose that our Senior pastor and his wife along with myself and my husband by a pinata. A Party, you ask? Not exactly. We need to buy one and nix the candy and the hanging of the pinata and the blindfolding and take a baseball bat to it! We can let out all of our frustration on the poor paper animal! This would save us from our stress and also from jail! (Instead we could destroy the pinata and not the children). I have to say my children have not yet reached teen status, although I think my 10 year old might not ever make it due to her recent attitude change! LOL! But I will say that those with teenagers I pray for you all every night, I know that you need it! Teenagers are so difficult to explain things to since they already know everything! I definately will say that this whole experience has been humbling in the fact that I have called my sister and mother to apologize for any attitude I gave or stress and disappointment that I may have caused during my own teenage years! My dad always use to say when I was young "Next time I am having puppies" I always wondered what he meant! (Actually I think I thought he was probably crazy as I remember that I was a teenager when he said that) Now I understand completely. Dogs are a much easier route to go down-At least I can kennel them when they don't do as I asked!!!! LOL!